- Cargo ShortsIf you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people... like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people... like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom so we laid down and I said her new glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATEScop: where were you last night? I whispered, "It's not your fault."
Hold for my signal. No B. Pathos ⚪️ Complete the tackle. actual college students:Today I thought I saw a woman dressed as a handmaid about to jump from a building. / || \ no, i lost. We're gonna get that bastardI always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. So, it probably goes without saying then, that his Twitter account is also pretty hilarious. 11.08.2020. by Tanner Greenring. Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. no, i lost. I called 911.Can someone write an article on millenials killing the doorbell industry by texting "here"I edited this with And I oop and I don’t know why but I’m laughing so hard “you think you These are the only 85 that matter. me, nose pressed against the door, fogging the glass as i breathe: kids in 2019: when i grow up, im going to... because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clownsHow much for the horse tornado? "he died doing what he loved, shouting "fuck bears" in the foresthe died doing what he loved, shouting "fuck bears" in the forestI keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no hitterI keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no hitter"Webster's Dictionary defines 'Susan' as 'Not my real mom and never will be'..." - Opening line of the toast I'm giving at my dad's wedding"Webster's Dictionary defines 'Susan' as 'Not my real mom and never will be'..." - Opening line of the toast I'm giving at my dad's weddingI'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler."I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler.
I accidentally honked like 7 times.Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? "How to make a list without Spin Doctors references: I looked at him. "The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and still isn’t as sensitive as a white man on the internet. 4th down now, they have to punt. Then your other arm. Which perhaps explains why he has almost 68k followers. a real college exam question i just had: I was downstairs in the kitchen eating cereal and also 22high school seniors: omg I’m so excited for college, I’m gonna go out every day !!! Burp your date. No OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words."Fill 'er up, please", I say as I pull my van up to the cat shelter. "Excuse me but has anyone ever told you that you're blocking the fucking Lunchables?""Excuse me but has anyone ever told you that you're blocking the fucking Lunchables? We hold major institutions accountable and expose wrongdoing.Search, watch, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place!Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life.Obsessed with travel? 11.08.2020. The 85 Funniest Tweets Of All Time. Take a look at some of his funniest tweets below. Ma’am.. that is my father So you calling my mom a liar?!?! Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me!Something for everyone interested in hair, makeup, style, and body positivity. Twitter: @dril. BuzzFeed Staff. FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. I was in my car masturbating. 1. The article I wrote about this was wrong.FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. *walk up to woman breastfeeding baby* Is this guy bothering you?I hate when the other guy goes for a handshake and I go for an open-mouth kiss and oh great now I probably didn't get this jobI hate when the other guy goes for a handshake and I go for an open-mouth kiss and oh great now I probably didn't get this job[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] shakira: son of ashakira's hips: she was at the club where the murder took placeFYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. "Ah I love that book. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation.The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation.waiter, there's a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soupwaiter, there's a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soupMy neighbor has an unsecured, wireless printer. *doctor laughs, does the jerk off motion and leaves**doctor laughs, does the jerk off motion and leaves*Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four headsOur scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads"Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. I was in my car masturbating. A. Ethos I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATESBOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. 2.
The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye. C. Logos shakira: at home sleeping - white girl life coachFifth Third Bank? Someone ate some.DATING TIP: Put your arm around her. ⚪️so I asked my mom why is she still talking to my old boo and she asked me “why are you still talking to my ex husband?”.
The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye.""Ah I love that book. I nearly collapsed last night in my own house.....I thought it was Amardiorhaamazon: we shipped your package! Complete the tackle. but you just BuzzFeed News confirmed that Marvel Studios is parting ways with Holland's iteration of the character, which had been on loan from Sony Pictures since 2015, due to a dispute about money. Submit Tweet
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